Education –
Upbringing or relationship

Today our communities are so diverse and multicultural with different conceptions of the good life that every attempt to create binding methods of bringing up children will cause conflicts.

An education which insists on old standards and rejection of everything new will cause the children into extreme behaviour – since they are every day confronted with the new in school, kindergarten or city.
This is how every particular conception of the ‘family of the 21th century’ will ignore the interests of the individual and pushes him towards justification.
Every common morality and every absence of choice will ignore the interests and the free orientation of the other and causes stress and pressure.

This is how children of ADD/ADHD symptoms like a loss of concentration have parents with strict behaviour on which they insist. A not controllable overactive behaviour of the children points out to parents who want to have everything under control and want to plan every interaction with each other in every single detail. In general children with ADD/ADHD symptoms have parents with strict and hesitating conceptions and rules for which they even sanction any attempt of resistance. Problems just cannot be allowed. The actual foundation and with it the solution of psychological problems such as learning difficulties is ‘how’ parents educate their children. But this fact is underestimated for the future development of every life.

The older generation is still educated after the conception that the education problems of the parents are caused by the education problems of the children. Everything which goes wrong was the problem of the child and not the failure of the parents. This conception continued until today. Parents who stand with the back to the wall and do not know further can exercise a lot of power. This is the dark side of the chapter of education.

Extreme conceptions of education are marked by

• Parents decide about right and wrong, parents are always right
• That the children are responsible for education problems
• The parents and their rules are out of question
• The child must be taken the will as soon as possible
• That everything must be done very early in education

All these rules are repressive – like fear, isolation, force etc.
This way of education is trying to deliver information which has been established over generations about the world and the environment in the very early years of upbringing.
This includes
• that a sense of responsibility transforms to love
• that obedience makes strong
• that a high degree of self-confidence is bad
• that it is right not to submit to childish needs
• that parents are always right
• that strength and emotional detachment will provide for conditions of life
• that the parents have the monopoly of enlightenment, parents are always right

Many methods of education should really be seen as human rights abuses and television series such as Supernanny and Bootscamp must be very critically questioned. This is for example how a delivery nurse suggests letting the baby cry to test its limits – and this for a 6 week old child.

But upbringing should also be relationship building. This includes to provide the children with conditions of flourishing and also to provide them with space to escape!
Education problems are problems of human interaction of parents with children and not psychological problems of a single person. Nobody is ill alone! The way we are brought up will later cause mental problems in social relationships.

‘Gaps of contact’ will lead to mental disruption.
From the beginning the child will experience expectations of the parents which cannot be fulfilled. (Female instead of male/did not want the child).
This is how a gap of contact is created in social relationships, for example when there is an early loss of love from the mother or children which are left to a ‘nanny’.
This is due to parents which are not able to handle their own lives.
Now the child is taking himself as a person of contact – ‘Alone with himself’

Empowerment leads to cardiovascular disease
The child is experiencing himself in total dependence of the mother who provides the child with everything, gains power and in doing so empowering the child. The child is experiencing itself as the echo of the mother and fails in the confrontation with the world.
Mother is educating the child with ‘feelings of guilt’ – through pointing out what she did right and good every resistance of the child is rejected.
We have feelings of guilt and fail to ‘be ourselves’ – ‘The other in me’

Autoimmune disease
The child will be forced towards extreme behaviour if the parents insist on existent rules and reject everything new. Rules and restrictions count more than a warm relationship. Everything must be happening in a distinct way otherwise sanctions will be enforced. For example: The dying mother.
Good functioning ‘show-off’ children – ‘In the zone of the other’

‚Chaotic parents’ cause infections and degeneration diseases.
The parents cannot fulfil the requirement of the child for leadership - expressive and chaotic parents who cannot provide the child with orientation. The behaviour of the parents is contradictory, not understandable, irresponsible and cannot provide the child with clarity! The children cannot find a way out of the identification (degeneration) with their chaotic parents and are stucked in the rebellion (infection).
Have not found the identification with themselves – ‘My life in the other’

Children are a blessing for the parents when the parents are a blessing for the children!